Suckertads and Stinky Wurzels
by evalentine
Summary: Set in Heart and Soul Universe. Jack and Ianto's twins are three and a half. This follows their adventures during one afternoon. Fluff alert warning.


**Authors Note – This is a short story set in the Heart and Soul Universe. It is three years and half years after Jack and Ianto's twins are born. Jack and Ianto have settled down to a quiet life as members of a colony in very safe part of the universe. They live on their own small island as do all families here. The inhabitants live in complete harmony with each other and the planet they have settled.

**Suckertads**

"Hurry up Daddy," Esme called out as she walked out on the decking that surrounded this part of the house as she bounced up and down.

She had been waiting all day. Daddy had promised her they could go fishing this afternoon, she was all ready to go but Daddy was dilly dallying.

It was Wednesday, her favourite day because she got to spend time alone with Daddy all afternoon, just her. No sharing, not with Taddy or Rod, just her and Daddy. She had woken excited as she did every day and raced in and jumped on the bed making sure she didn't jump on Daddy's tummy because it was special. Taddy had grabbed pulling her under the covers as he and tickled her rubbing his whiskery face all over her tummy as she had exploded in giggles. Rod had come in sucking his thump, cuddling his blanket. Daddy had opened the covers, reached out and pulled him up covering them both up as they had both snuggled back down.

She ran, jumped off the deck onto the grass and back onto the deck again.

"Hurry up," she called out impatiently.

"Is Roly coming with us?" she heard Daddy call down to her as she looked round for him.

Roly was so naughty he was probably playing under the house or digging up Taddy's garden. She couldn't hear Taddy shouting so she jumped off the decking and peered under the gap to see a pair of shining eyes staring back followed by a low snort.

"Roly you naughty boy, come here," she told him sternly and was rewarded with another snort and huff as Roly stretched his body through the gap and gave her good sniff making her laugh as his long thick whiskers tickled her legs and feet.

"Stop that, it tickles," she said as he bounded off down the path. He stopped, looked back and saw she was not coming, looked back again then shot off towards the sea and dived in.

"Daddy, Roly will chase all the Suckertads away, hurry up!" she called out as Daddy appeared.

Jack watched as the large otter-like creature bounded down towards the wharf into the sea. He had never encountered a species that so overflowed with a sense of play or joy. They were indigenous to this planet and one attached themselves to every child in the colony. And for some reason no one had yet explained why they were never happier than in the company of one of the colony's many children. Roly had appeared as Rod and Esme had started to walk and taken up permanent residence. Cautious at first at having such a large animal around their children, they had found the creature was gentle, patient, and affectionate even and within hours had shown he could be trusted. In fact Roly had taken an active hand in their care especially near water. He was always with one or the other and would alert either Jack or Ianto if either of the twins got into difficulty, calling out a particular bark which got their immediate attention. Now they were older all he wanted to do was play with them although Jack noted his care of them was un-diminished. If there was any type of risk around water Roly would appear. With Ianto and Rod heading off the east side of the island Roly saw a trip to the wharf as far more enjoyable or at least risk free for now.

"Don't overdo it," Ianto said as gave Jack a quick kiss, "make sure she wears a hat, I've packed a snack and drink for you both, and don't get over tired either of you," he warned.

"Yes Taddy," Esme and Jack replied as Jack took the basket and kissed Ianto.

"Stop kissing," Esme said pushing them apart. "We need to go."

"Got enough bacon?" Ianto said trying to keep a smile off his face as he saw the large packet Jack was carrying.

"Well if the Suckertads don't get it, Roly will," Jack told him smiling.

"That's our whole supply of bacon for the month," Ianto told him as Jack raised an eyebrow. "No complaining when there is no late night bacon sandwiches then."

"I'll cope, anyway its dutangs now," he commented on his latest craving for the local blue fruit.

"Daddy!" Esme called out in frustration as she put her hands on Jack's bum and pushed.

Racing as fast as she could down the path Esme was met with Roly who was all wet with a large prickly eel in his mouth. "Oh Roly that's disgusting," she burst out as he laid down and, starting at head end he devoured it in three bites then joined her as she raced down the path.

Jack passed the remains of the eel as he walked by and felt his stomach churn. It looked like some kind of alien autopsy, and he swallowed down bile.

Arriving at the wharf Jack settled down with his feet hitting the cool water, it was high tide, perfect for Suckertads. Esme stood beside him with a rod fashioned from a long pole which was faintly reminiscent of bamboo and which grew in clumps on the east side of the island. The stalks were perfect for fishing and Jack had made a rod, complete with long string with a homemade hook on the end. As a fishing rod he knew it would never catch a single fish, which was lucky because there were no fish to catch.

There were many creatures in the sea on this world but nothing like fish. It didn't matter, both Rod and Esme loved the whole ritual of fishing, and Jack enjoyed the peaceful nature of just sitting there dangling something in the water. Esme with great care attached a large piece of bacon on the hook. Laying down she eased the line into the water so it hit the water gently and the hook sank to the bottom just under the wharf.

"Do you think we will catch any Suckertads today?" she asked him after a few moments as Jack watched Roly with lithe ease glide under each wave as it rolled gently, snorting as he came up for air.

"How many did we catch last time?" he asked her.

"Three," she replied with certainly.

"Or was it the same one three times over?" Jack asked as he took in the view.

"They are so greedy Daddy," she said with all seriousness. Jack looked at his daughter. She might closely resemble Ianto complete with button nose, but she came closest to him in personality. She was his little princess; bold, out- spoken and fearless which tended to get her into a great deal of trouble.

"I got one, I got one!" she yelled out as she stood up and pulled out the rod with a jerk.

"Stand back and watch out for your toes," he commanded as she deposited a large red and blue crab- like creature on to the wharf. '_Let the fun begin,'_ Jack thought.

Sucking as hard at it could on the ecstasy of bacon the creature suddenly became aware it was out of the water. It looked around then with a snap of its claws and in almost Disney cartoonish manner it spat out the bacon in disgust, hissed at them, squirted inky water in their direction, then with waving its claws, it then put them under its carapace and hitched itself up. While trying to retain whatever dignity it had left it turned its back on them and scuttled to the edge of the wharf and with a little leap plopped back into the water. As it hit the water Esme erupted into howls of giggles and Jack joined in, Suckertads were always good entertainment. Their very greed was their undoing every time; if they stopped sucking on the bacon they could never be caught.

Esme handed him the rod for Jack to add some more bacon. "Again Daddy again, again, again," she said jumping up and down clapping

**Stinky Wurzels.**

Tramping over the rise, Rod and Ianto took the path that led down the east side of the Island. The waves were rolling in, hitting the rocks with a great deal of spray.

"We can go hunting first or we can play who can stay driest the longest, and then go hunting," Ianto offered Rod. Ianto watched as he thought carefully through his options. Rod was the more serious of the two twins and always had a bit of a think before he answered.

"Hunting, Taddy," Rod said with a slight lisp, wide eyed as he looked around.

"Now before we head off to the cave, I need you to remind me about Stinky Wurzels," he said as Rod rolled his eyes.

"You keep forgetting Taddy," he admonished. "They are as big as a house, as small as a mouse. They make a bad smell and can see you coming, they are cowardly and will hide and if we can get one, it will be a great prize," Rod told him.

"Exactly right," Ianto told him. "Did you bring equipment?" he asked as Rod took off his backpack and emptied the contents out onto the ground.

"Excellent," Ianto said as he knelt down next to him. Rod picked up the big yellow whistle complete with cord and placed around own neck.

"Now what do we do if we smell or seen one?" Ianto asked him as Rod took the whistle, giving it a blow.

"I blow on the whistle and it will shiver in fear?" Rod told him.

"Then what?" Ianto asked as Rod rolled his eyes again as he picked up what looked like a large kitchen spray bottle.

"I spray it with the para-lys-sing liquid," Rod struggled to say.

"And…" Ianto encouraged.

"Make sure it doesn't steal my nose," Rod said indignantly.

"It's a very cute nose and I think it would be very hard to smell things, especially Stinky Wurzels and which is why they like to steal noses," Ianto tickled Rod who squirmed and threw his arms around his neck as Ianto gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"So are we ready?" Ianto said standing now and placing Rod on his feet.

"Ready, Taddy," Rod said.

"I'll make the call then," Ianto added as he took deep breath and started to shout.

"Right all you naughty Stinky Wurzels, Rod the champion Wurzel hunter and his right hand man Taddy are on their way, better run hide, because we are coming ready or not," he shouted out as Rod looked serious and started looking around. Crouching low they made their way to the caves.

"Following behind Ianto marvelled at how much more confident Rod was when his sister was not around. From early on both he and Jack had taken time out to spend time alone with both children. This was in part due to the fact that from their first week home, one child had responded better to one or other of them. Esme settled with Ianto and Rod with Jack. Another reason was that of the twins Esme was the most dominant. She was very demanding and she often got her way and if they were not careful the lion share of the attention. Rod tended to hang back while Esme powered ahead in any situation. In light of this over the past year they made sure each had time with either parent alone. A time to give each the full attention of the other parent without any interruption from the other twin.

Currently due to Jack's condition, it was fishing for Suckertads at the wharf. For Rod it meant a more serious adventure. He wondered how the twins were going to manage with two new siblings. Neither he nor Jack had planned on any more children, being content with the two they had. Male pregnancies were difficult that's why they had twins in the first place. However, one wild weekend of serious and unrestrained lovemaking while the twins had their first weekend play date while he and Jack could celebrate their wedding anniversary had had an unexpected side effect.

Jack had starting throwing up and feeling ill, thinking he had food poising or he was having some kind of allergic reaction, and they had gone in for a check-up. They had looked stunned as they looked at the scan which showed two tiny lima bean-shaped objects complete with heartbeats. The Doctor explained it was a rare event that could stimulate a male pregnancy organ back from dormancy a second time...very rare indeed.

Jack had muttered something about bloody persistent sperm as Ianto gripped his hand, going very pale as he realised the worst three months of their lives was going to have a repeat. Well at least this time there would be no bloody overconfidence and they would at least have a system set up. Ianto had groaned, '_yeah system. Two newborns and two children under four that meant four children under four.' _It didn't take intelligence to figure it was going to be hard work. On the good side a friend for Roly would most likely turn up the Doctor had quipped. He had bitten his lip in an effort not to retort sarcastically, '_Great another bloody monstrous creature taking delight in digging up my carrots and leaving horrible half eaten nasties to tread on in the middle of the night, that's all I need,_ _wonderful!' _He had swallowed the thought down and returned to listening to the Doctor as he stroked the back of Jack's hand.

The Doctor had explained that normally once a male pregnancy organ had been used once it shrunk down and could never be used again, another reason they had had twins. They wracked their brains to find an explanation and after much thought it occurred to them that Jack's life force had most likely re-invigorated it. It was all sorted now, Ianto had taken steps and there would be no more future accidents.

Rod stiffened as they approached the caves. He fumbled for his whistle and blew it.

"I think I smelt one," he said crouching down with narrowed eyes as he checked around.

"Good work Son, it will be shivering with fear," Ianto said putting his hand on his shoulder. "Spray at the ready," Ianto commanded as they moved forward carefully looking left and right.

Moving to the entrance of the cave they moved as quietly as the could with lots of shushes and giggles. Rod gave Ianto the thumbs up and the raced in yelling.

"Drat!" Rod said as they entered and saw it was empty.

"The lair is empty," Ianto said in disappointment. "Never mind, we had better spray around a bit just in case they've found a way to become invisible."

"Do you think they can really do that Taddy?" Rod said as he started pumping the spray handle.

"They are very tricky creatures so we had better take no chances," he added seriously as he looked about the cave. It wasn't much of cave more a hollow in the cliff enough for two people to walk in and swing a cat. But to Rod it was a magical place where Stinky Wurzels had their lair. Considering the horror out there in the universe Ianto hoped the only monsters Rod and Esme ever encountered were imaginary ones.

Rod stamped around making sure he sprayed everything in sight just to be safe. When the bottle was nearly empty, he went to nearest rock, wiggled, pulled his pants down just enough then peed all over it.

"This is just to let them know I've been here," he stated with glee as he pulled up his pants.

Struggling not to laugh Ianto said, "You are definitely your Daddy's son, Rod."

"Now," Ianto said. "It's time to play 'who can stay the driest the longest'" He went to grab Rod who, seeing a chase was on raced out the entrance heading for the nearest splashing rock.

Ianto followed as he felt Jack touch his mind. He sent his love back as Roly now joined them for some more fun.


End file.
